best birthday ever!

i haven't written this for a while as we have been off having adventures. i celebrated a birthday. a big one. 30. je m'appelle claire, j'ai trente ans. in the run up lots of people had been telling me their horror stories of freaking out, retreating to the country, watching their seinfeld box sets on their own, buying skateboards... like it was a mid life crisis. i was prepared for the worst, prepared to wake up on easter sunday morning and just start crying and run with the cat to live in the forest, but this was not so. i had an interesting few days before B day.

the thursday 9th was the last PEPPERMINT PATTI gig (for the forseeable future). the ladies have lost their venue (for the moment) and the last 3 gigs have been blighted by bad luck (illness, band splitting up etc) and audiences have dwindled a little. its bloody expensive putting on gigs, especially when you're one of the good ones who pays EVERYONE not just the headliners and puts them up and gives them hot chocolate and washes their clothes. the climate has changed too, other promoters are putting on ladies and there is less of a stigma if you're in a band / lady singer. i like to think partly thanks to the good work of patti, and i think i'm right. i have been blessed in becoming friends with these ladies after working as an usher for their shows. i was already a fan, going month in month out to see what delights they had. the kimya dawson was my introduction to gigs in cardiff and chapter itself back a few years ago, a patti gig is always worth a punt, i've been introduced to all sorts of brilliant wonders through them: betty and the warewolves, wet dog, kania teifer this season of gigs alone. for a young(ish) bisexual girl finding gay clubs frighteningly day glo and aggressive they were a beacon in the fog.

this gig with VICIOUS GUNS and BETH and BEC was unfortunately subdued. HELLS BENT gay friendly indie disco was on up the road and it seemed that people had not taken the advice of coming down here first. i must admit that i was a bit angry. the patti ladies also run QUEER CYMRU, the welsh listings site and yet no-one came out to support them in their last gig. there were a few people there but not enough and it solidified the decision to make it the last. i didn't want to go to HELLS BENT after due to tiredness and wanting to shout at many in the queermunity for their ingratitute. many still don't consider me properly gay since i now have a boyfriend and never liked the pilled up vibe at the clubs (cos that's what makes you gay, folks! sometimes i get really irritated for some in the gay community for being as rigidly facist about sexuality as any copy of the daily mail... but i can feel a rant building so am going to leave it there) so i decided it wasn't best to go along to the disco, next time i'll be happier and more up for it.

despite the small audience the show was really good. HYSTERICAL INJURY were great, especially considering the fact that they'd lost half the band recently and were experimenting with their sound. BETH and BEC were lovely, its the side project of rebecca newman from HOT PUPPIES who got married and had a baby last year and is spending more time on a quieter folky sound. many songs were just achingly beautiful and it made me envious of that baby, being sung to in the crib. she did a cover of "last night i dreamt somebody loved me" that almost made me cry.

VICIOUS GUNS didn't blow me away, i must say. maybe the sound wasn't right for the funereal feel of the evening but it seemed a bit of a shallow girl / boy / blondie set, although they were enjoyable. they were a band who looked amazing but i wasn't convinced by their songs. i truly feel this is just because i wasn't in the mood though, i just couldn't get into it.

my housemate chris ran up to me at the end of the show and said "dance with me in a minute". chris and steen were djing and he had something planned. he played "decaptacon" by le tigre and made a tearful speech about how the patti ladies had helped him through the years and how grateful he was to have them. i felt a lump in my throat and gave him a hug. it was a perfectly timed moment, he said what needed to be said. chris is planning to put queer gigs on in the name of SIR and i wish him luck, i'll help him as much as i can and i hope its a success. peppermint patti lives on in LOOSE, SIR, gigs like FORECAST's recent PONYTAIL / COMENCHIE show. i think its going to be ok.

the next night we went to my friend nic finch's wedding to debbie savage. i remember talking to nic a couple of years ago about the fact that they debbie had a really cool surname. he said wistfully "yeah, when we get married we're going to be SAVAGE FINCH... i love her for that alone". i was really touched by that statement, it was such a typical nic comment and it made ma happy. i'd been worried cos they'd had to find a venue at the last minute as the point was closed so it was moved to the gate with only a couple of weeks notice but it was a brilliant wedding. we weren't there for the ceremony but arrived to find anne clearing tables away to make room for the dance floor. there was time to quickly wave to nic and see debbie's dress in amongst carring flower displays to another room. then to drinking and dancing! they had fred snow, of top shelf jazz and a tap dance artist performing for the crowd. they got us doing the charleston and we danced till we were giddy with our friends anna, chris, mattie and benny. ace. next up with carl morris with some top cheese (john rostron commented that black box recorder's "ride on time" was the new abba!) and it ended perfectly with the bugsy malone cast doing "we could've been anything that we wanted to be!". it felt like a film. perfect.

the next day began normally, with me in box office but it already felt like a holiday, lots of people were already wishing me birthday congrats. that evening we were expecting the nosworthys (rich, col and rhian) and the ponty set. their presence was enough but the presents were spectacular. a few months ago me and steen had been to jacobs market to do some window shopping and take pictures of things we liked and i had said truthfully on facebook how much i really wanted these things. but then, i really want a house and an allotment would be nice too. the nosworthys bought me all that was still in jacobs market including the blue dog i lusted after and the fish eye mirror! nos the younger also got me spillers vouchers: £30 worth! i was blushing with gratitute, amazing presents!

after the presents we went to the VEGETARIAN FOOD STUDIO for a birthday meal with the aforementioned and small steen, brother rob. what an immense treat! it is an amazing place, reasonably priced and very tasty. my favourite thing was the atom bombs, chilli potatoes that make your head explode. i also had a disco coffee. disco coffee! i think it was just coffee with spices but it is great to read it on the menu. the plan next was to go to dempseys for twisted but i wanted to drop off the cards and we got distracted by the DUCHESS (duke of clarence on clive road). this pub was our old hunting ground when we all moved in next to each other and first met and it was too tempting not to go in for a drink. unfortunately getting out was a bit more difficult and i subsequently didn't turn up for my own birthday party in twisted. steen was trying to get me to go but my stomach was so full and i was sleepy with happiness and so we just went to bed at about midnight like lightweights. before bed steen gave me his presents. naughty steen, he was taking me away in a couple of days and wasn't meant to be getting me anything. i opened a package from some foreign parts that included a HAROLD AND MAUDE MUG AND BADGES! i was so happy! harold and maude is my favourite ever film and you just don't get any merch, it is a film from the pre-merch days so i don't know how he managed it but i was pleased as punch. but there was more to come. i opened up my card. inside was a message saying "you're cordially invited to see DEVO in london". i said "yeah! that'd be great, shall we get tickets?!" only to feel confused and stupid minutes later when presented with TICKETS FOR DEVO IN LONDON PLAYING ARE WE NOT MEN? WE ARE DEVO!!!!!!!!!! steen had mentioned how he'd almost got me ATP devo tickets a couple of months back and i'd veto'd it cos we couldn't afford it but he'd noticed this gig (that, miraculously had passed me by entirely) and bought tickets before they sold out. we are both devo fans, some of our early dates were spent dancing to devo in his kitchen in penylan. very excited. too excited to sleep... if it wasn't for that veg studio food and the two pints of cider afterwards.

when i awoke it was MY BIRTHDAY! we got up fairly quick cos my parents were coming to take us for lunch. it was lovely to see them, i don't see my family enough these days with my all day sunday working. sunday was always the day of getting the train back for sunday lunch, reading sunday papers with my dad, walking the dog with my mum and nattering with my nan. i need to somehow work that back into my routine. i opened presents and cards and we played with our mental cat frankie, who my mum just adores and we went to RIVERSIDE MARKET and i got bought a lovley herb garden by my mum and we bought some bits and bobs, like some amazing artichokes from ceri's BLAENCAMEL FARM stall (for roasting: very tasty) then went to CHAPTER for sunday lunch.

my mum had bought 3 (3!!!) cakes for my birthday and we took these along to nos da for SCRABBLE SUNDAY. the lovely lisa and paul had made cupcakes spelling out claire vaughan 21! (not being certain of my birthday age, knowing it was a biggie but not sure how big. ha!) it was simply lovely. as it was lisa's joint leaving party (unfortunately for us she is moving north to live with the gogs on a farm) there were all kinds of games there and john was djing. it was a brilliant party. i had more cards, a massive one from casey and ewan brought me badges. we sat and ate cakes and played guess who and blockbusters as well as scrabble and had a bucketload of fun. after saying a sad goodbye to lisa and went home. no TOP 1o0 in GWDIHW and no LOOSE all dayer. by the time my parents had gone there had already been a few bands on and the scrabble party was too good to leave. a happy bedtime.

monday we celebrated EASTER with experimental cooking. steen had the idea to make a giant chocolate bar, from all our choc eggs and sweets from spa: a sort of greatest hits of chocolate bars. the only rule was no nestle. we had a great time. we melted up the chocolate eggs, chopped up milky bars, crunchies, snickers and bountys and put them in the pan to cool decorated with some truffles i'd got from my nan. we then chopped the pan of chocolate into hand bite sized bars and gorged. a great easter treat.

in the evening we went to buffalo for MATT ELLIOT and the much- multi- talented rhodri viney (as RATATOSK) and TREMBLING BELLS at LESSON #1. rhodri had been to see matt elliot years ago and claimed it was one of the best gigs ever in his life so i had high hopes and was not disappointed. rhodri was stunningly lump-in-throat brilliant as ever and TREMBLING BELLS gave a sweet folky feel to the night, with their slightly quaint but beautiful sea shanties and then matt elliot took the stage. he admitted he was very tired after a punishing schedule so might not be at his best but you would not notice. he looped sounds around on his guitar, tumbling into intense love songs until my jaw dropped. i was rapt. high on birthday money i dashed to the merch stand and promptly bought all his albums.

what a brilliant birthday weekend. i'd not done all i'd hoped, not gone dancing in twisted and not seen the loose all dayer but it had been perfect. i did feel older but completely comfortable with being 30. it wasn't scary, i just felt like a grown up with a wonderful man and a brilliant cat. the next morning we set off for my birthday trip but i will save that for another post.

one for the ladies

this was a week of two halves. the first half was dominated by work and food and i was generally exhausted, having worked for about two weeks doing cover shifts on my days off and seeing chapter be busier than we've been for a year truly took its toll. sunday i missed both the aforementioned poetry and casey's film night and then monday missed ipso facto at clwb then tuesday missed stalker paul barnett's birthday. we missed barnett's birthday for a pathetically middle aged reason: we fell asleep in front of a documentary about disraeli and gladstone after eating a christmas dinner size portion of bangers and mash. rock and roll. well done steen for the amazing sweet potato mash, well done to me for the amazing red wine gravy. top hole. we had a little sit down after such a massive meal and the next thing i knew i could hear steen snoring on my shoulder and the time had long gone to go and play skittles. this week i also spent time watching MARGARET: THE ROAD TO FINCHLEY on iplayer. god bless iplayer, i'm actually watching good tv again. it was very enjoyable and silly, hinting at sexual tension between ted heath and mrs t and demonstrating how frighteningly ambitious she was and scared everyone she crossed. i quite enjoyed all the little comedic irony moments of "carol, when are you ever going to go to the jungle?!" and little mark thatcher getting lost in the sand dunes. i am a bit of a sucker for all politics programmes, dramatised or otherwise.

but i was keeping this to remind myself of the exciting things i did in the week so i should get a move on.

i started doing my ushering shifts in the cinema this week. i can't believe its taken me so long to actually get around to asking graham for these shifts as it is the cushiest number in chapter, which is pretty cushy already. i am on hand for any emergencies and the beginning 20 minutes of any film is disturbed by showing latecomers to their seats, this is true, but to have the privilege of watching all these fantastic films and getting to know the oldies who come in to watch them is wonderful. the first film i ushered for was THE READER. now, i've seen this before and wrote about it on my blog but it was a different experience watching it with a group of retirees who actually remember these days and talking to them afterwards. despite having a lot of nudity, none of them seem to be shocked and all were coming out misty eyed and telling me how beautiful they thought it was.

the next day was THE CLASS, the film about a parisian inner city high school that won the palm d'or last year at cannes. i'd heard that it had very good reviews and praise should certainly be heaped upon the cast of 14 year olds, who were utterly convincing. at the beginning i was thinking "i should really tell my teacher friends to see this" but by the end thought better of it, it felt a bit too real, do they really need to see more of that? it reminded me of all the reasons why i wanted to go into teaching and the reasons i didn't.

i also emersed myself in the lives of the characters of REVOLUTIONARY ROAD for a second time. i only saw it about a month ago but really wanted to see it again and it was just as powerful. i was reminded how claustrophobic it was, how the house they live in seems to act like a pressure cooker for their arguments, the character of april is always keen to escape to the outside, to get out. i've seen it twice, i'll see it again!

on wednesday i was actually convinced to leave the house by PENS and WAVVES in buffalo. it was a relatively late gig, it didn't start until about 10pm and we're so used to early gigs and can't afford to waste our money in buffalo since all the drinks are about £5 each so were on the water. i was a bit worried as one of PENS was sleeping on the sofa before the gig but she completely defied my expectations by being full of energy on stage. the sight of three young girls (one clearly not wearing a bra) was quite, um, stimulating for many of the people in buffalo but they soon backed off once they realised it would be a chaotic lo-fi shambles. i was in the minority of people who thought it was brilliant fun, most muttered "amateurish" like it was a bad thing and just stared at the bra-less girl's shimmying chest. philistines. WAVVES are apparently one of those "band of the moment" bands who i have not heard about but someone in london likes them so they're getting loads of noise made about them, or so i presume. they weren't terrible, just overrated. i was a bit disturbed when i saw their merch stall had t-shirts with massive cannabis leaves on them, who finds this funny after the age of 12? uh oh. the lead singer looks like someone from the OC. he was an arrogant little tyke who needs to have his heart broken or something to give these songs some oomph cos i was pretty bored in a "heard it all before" way through most of the set although the last one was spikey enough to make me dance quite a lot, if only the whole set had been like this and not songs about getting fucked and playing computer games. but PENS signed our 7" by drawing porno pictures and writing "merry christmas" so the night ended well.

thursday the tv was in my diary. RED RIDING on channel 4. i was a bit nervous about this, as i'd heard it was going to be a triumph and thought it would only disappoint if it had been talked up so much by the guardian. but there was no need to be worried, i was thoroughly gripped. it was sort of an anti- life on mars. there has been so much 70s nostalgia programming going on about how much better things were then, that life was simpler: women knew their place and men were men. i get really sick of that, people writing "i am gene hunt" in their status updates and women denying being feminists and sending photos in to nuts magazine. in RED RIDING the police are brutal and corrupt and the women are there to prop up the egos of men, be mothers or lovers and racism is accepted and expected... or else. this village in yorkshire was more LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN than HEARTBEAT, everyone was dirtied by some kind of pay off. it was shot beautifully, like the lens was smeared with grime. the cast was amazing, it was like all the best actors in the country had signed up, even for a couple of lines of dialogue. its in three parts and i can't wait to see the other two.

saturday saw the start of the INTERNATIONAL WOMAN'S DAY celebrations in chapter and clwb ifor bach. upstairs in the llofft we had LOVECHILD by the theatre group blunt instrument, showing the a woman who was put up for adoption go to find her birth mother. anne is a woman elegantly and tidily dressed in sharp tailored grey, beige and white, her ordered personality reflected back to her in the sparse, clean elegant set. into this walks billie: chaotic, emotional, dressed in bright billowy clothes. she is about to turn her life upside down. when the play first started i was afraid it would be too wordy for me, i've been so used to physically demanding theatre recently and it was to be over an hour of these two women talking but very quickly it drew you in, you developed an understanding of these people and where they had been and wanted to know what they were going to do now they were reunited. the ending was devestating. billie picked and picked at anne, taking apart her life, digging into her past until she cracked. anne's slow, cathartic breakdown, superbly played by polly kilpatrick, where she admitted having dreams about the baby she gave away just got me in the gut. the baby that can never be comforted, memory's scream that can not be silenced, i have experienced that emotion and down the tears fell. i was ushering for this and had to gather myself together but i had butterflies in my stomach for a long time afterward.

rushing from that to clwb in the rain and wind did me good, it blasted me out of that room and into the night. LOOSE and PEPPERMINT PATTI were co-promoting this gig of KING ALEXANDER, THE DULOKS and THEORETICAL GIRL. i missed king alexander, for shame! but they're playing another loose night on the 7th may so i'll not miss that. i entered clwb only to have THE DULOKS make fun of me for being late. if there is a prize for best banter, these ladies would win big. they were very very entertaining on stage, it was like watching punk stand up. they dragged up on stage people taking pictures of themselves rather than the band and outed them as an incestuous couple (they weren't), they made fun of the old men sat on chairs at the front and did some ace song and dance numbers about being pirates and bad vegetarians. big grin throughout. a quick trip to the merch stall to say hello to one half of the promotion team and buy a duloks album and an interesting looking zine by colette rosa. then THEORETICAL GIRL took to the stage, a bit nervous but looking fabulous in understated neon (is that possible? yes, its possible). 50% of the crowd had left (don't get me started on how much seeing your mates' band then fucking off annoys me) but those that stayed got treated to perky pop songs about heartbreak. she explained how she had brought a giant keyboard as a backing track to play her songs and it worked really well, the crunchy guitar numbers were my favourite, a good foil to her sweet home counties voice. the piano numbers made victoria wood pop into my head though, once there it was hard to get out.

today is officially international woman's day and SCRABBLE SUNDAY! wooop! i've also been getting excited about my birthday plans in a month as this year is a big birthday and it coincides with easter weekend and the loose all dayer and a twisted night out AND a scrabble sunday. very fortuitous! i feel like some god of good things is treating me for my birthday to distract me from how momentous a day it is. can i really be in my 30s in a month? golly.