staying in is the new going out

after the magical holiday we were brought back down to earth with a gig in bristol. this was intended to be an exciting musical bang end to my birthday week but ended up being an expensive gig. two tickets for PJ HARVEY AND JOHN PARISH were £45 and the trains to bristol that day were being interrupted so we had to get a bus back so ended up paying twice for travelling, totalling another £40. with a £10 taxi to the anson rooms venue due to the trains being delayed and a drink each we waved bye bye to a hard earned £100! oof! it being my birthday week and it being pj harvey it was all forgiven, despite the anson rooms being a venue of peeling cardboard soundproof tiles and no air conditioning. but boy, did it make us appreciate what we have in cardiff. we have a bunch of hard working promoters putting on a tonne of gigs, the quality is usually excellent and its venues tend to be in the centre of town and fairly reasonable. i'm always appreciative on the fact that despite my miniscule income i still get to enjoy myself and see some great stuff. but getting back to pj, she was excellent. the night began with us getting there in time to see support who turned out to be HOWIE GELB from the band giant sand. i haven't been to a big gig for a while and it was very irritating to realise that many people just go to see the headliner and talk through the support. you've paid the same amount! why gab when you can discover something you've not heard before? pah, idiots. i had to throw a look at a set of posh lasses behind us who were talking loudly about how drunk they were at last night's party. it was really frustrating to be hearing the great howie gelb, hero of alt country, do some great acoustic numbers and reel off some amusing banter to a disinterested audience who would later hang off polly's ever word. its a good job they did shut up cos when she came on stage she was very quiet and nervous, looking glamourous in a lacy white dress and an amazing beaded headpiece with tassles that swung when she moved. i'd not heard the album they were performing from and wasn't sure what sort of set she would do but it was really strong. there was a few off the albums she had previously done with john parish, one that sounded VERY nick cave and a couple that sounded like david lynch scores. it was really good and worth the heat and the work of finding a window between the heads of the tall people of bristol.

things very quickly got back to normal after my birthday. since i'm trying to catch up i'll do this in a two week chunk. i saw a lot of movies in the next couple of weeks and not many gigs. the first one was TOKYO SONATA. i got the wrong idea about this from briefly reading the synopsis and just read that the director was a big name in j-horror. i kept expecting the ghosts to appear but the only ghosts were metaphorical. this was a beautiful, timely film, about the japanese recession. a family man in a managerial 9-5 gets fired and unable to express his career failure to his wife and children he carries on the routine of getting up and coming home to throw them off the scent but instead goes to the dole office and the free food queue at lunchtime. he befriends another man in a similar position who ends up killing himself and then to his shame finally finds a job as a cleaner, all the while becoming increasingly authoritarian at home in an attempt to have some sort of power over things in his life. the film quietly follows his wife and children as they rebel against his needless dominance, his youngest son discovering the joy of playing piano and his eldest hoping for a new life as an american citizen after joining the army. it was really delicately handled and believable, a scary portrait of what can happen when you cling to the past.

on friday will and i saw the FRANKLYN matinee. the write up sounded intruiging: a alternative futuristic world ruled by the church intertwines with contemporary london, but it wasn't quite as sci-fi as i thought it would be. it begins with the character of priest, explaining his godlessness in a world where everyone has one religion or another. he is a vigilante on the trail of a child killer and spends the movie coming into contact with various nefarious characters on the way. back in our london a set of characters, including sam riley and eva green are all trying to resurrect themselves from traumas in the past. eva green's character faking suicide attempts in the name of art and sam riley trying to find love after being jilted at the altar. their stories start to bleed into the same story and the world of priest also spills over, with characters being echoed. we see by the end how the two have been coexisting but one of the worlds needs to go in order for priest to be healed of his pain. it was a movie about how we deal with pain and the worlds we construct to take ourselves out of that. it was interesting but sometimes a little too much style over substance. the characters were not wholly believable and sometimes just plain irritating. however, it was a first movie and for a stab at it i think it was a good start.

on the monday it was time for something a little different. EUGENE ROBINSON from the band oxbow was doing a spoken word performance at chapter, organised by the brilliant blokes of LESSON #1. i was really intruiged by this, will had seen oxbow a few years ago and its in one of his top ever gigs: screaming, sweaty, aggressive punk where the singer got down to his tighty whiteys. eugene robinson has the reputation of being a frightening man, violent and confrontational. as well as the band he does a sideline in boxing and is actually very good. he has also written a book FIGHT. i went along to see what the fuss was about. i wanted to sit at the back but all the seats were taken so front row for us, i just hoped he didn't punch me. luckily for us, the brilliant D C GATES of GINDRINKER was on first. i love dc. i really do value and treasure that man, he should be fashionable and lauded with front page of the western mail or something as one of cardiff's landmarks but he would hate that and so would i. he brings a slab of intelligent bile to his work that is pregnant with disappointment and anger. his spoken word set was not different to a gindrinker gig but without the distraction of graf's razor-like guitar punctuating the sentences, it made you focus more on the delivery and the drama in the rants and observations. he came on stage, shabbily shambolic in his blazer and collection of notes, which included the back of microwave "meals for one" packets and discintegrating notebooks and read tirades about how "alan de botton is a cunt" and biblical passages denouncing capitalism. it was wonderful. my friend ash was in the audience and we just gushed "we're so lucky to have him in cardiff" to each other in the interval. he's a beligerent alcoholic but he's OUR beligerent alcoholic. long may he reign. next up was eugene robinson. the stage was dressed a single punchbag on stage and some sawdust. contrary to my expectations, eugene robinson turned out to be a graceful, literate, searingly intelligent gent with a slow drawl. he spoke eloquently about his childhood and his first fights and rites of passage to becoming handy with his fists. he was a wonderful speaker and gentle, genial soul who did a long q&a at the end where he explained how he tried to avoid violence unless it was truly necessary. a wonderful evening.

on the wednesday the film i ushered was the french documentary MODERN LIFE. maybe it was the late night i'd encountered the previous night but it did send me to sleep. it was beautifully shot and told the story of a community of hill farmers in the south of france whose way of life will probably die with them. they are men in their 80s who are still working the land and tending to their flocks each day out of neccessity, theirs is a tough life. it was good work from the director, sometimes getting a full sentence out of these men who don't often have full conversations from year to year. sometimes it was little hard going to have a question put to the interviewee a long, lingering shot on his lined face followed about 3 minutes later with a closed "yes" or "no" answer. it was worth seeing but it felt like a very long hour and a half.

later that day i went to see WENDY AND LUCY, the new picture from kelly reicthart who did the exquisite OLD JOY with will oldham. this film was similarly slow paced and prettily filmed in northwest 'burbs and again about friendship, but in this case it was between wendy (played by the brilliant michelle williams) and her dog lucy. they are travelling up the coast to alaska in her old car, hoping to start a new life, running away from whatever went before with no money but a lot of hope. early on wendy leaves lucy outside a shop, gets caught shoplifting and when she gets back finds lucy is gone. the guilt and relentless search for wendy's only friend makes up the majority of the film and her determination and devotion to lucy is heartbreaking. michelle williams is at the simultaeously vulnerable, one moment away from a flood of emotion and tough and purposeful. reichthart captures the people of the northwest perfectly and made me long to be there again.

thursday i was proud to be the usher for new theatre group zandeh's play POLITICS IN THE PARK, brought to the stage by becca knowles. it is the story of two elderly sisters who meet on a park bench and rib each other about their lives. it was a delightful, beautiful and simple play about domestic politics and what holds people and families together. i really enjoyed it and the performances were so good i felt like i would meet the old ladies downstairs for a drink afterwards.

a quiet couple of weeks all in, but it was about to get busy all over again!

best birthday ever!

i haven't written this for a while as we have been off having adventures. i celebrated a birthday. a big one. 30. je m'appelle claire, j'ai trente ans. in the run up lots of people had been telling me their horror stories of freaking out, retreating to the country, watching their seinfeld box sets on their own, buying skateboards... like it was a mid life crisis. i was prepared for the worst, prepared to wake up on easter sunday morning and just start crying and run with the cat to live in the forest, but this was not so. i had an interesting few days before B day.

the thursday 9th was the last PEPPERMINT PATTI gig (for the forseeable future). the ladies have lost their venue (for the moment) and the last 3 gigs have been blighted by bad luck (illness, band splitting up etc) and audiences have dwindled a little. its bloody expensive putting on gigs, especially when you're one of the good ones who pays EVERYONE not just the headliners and puts them up and gives them hot chocolate and washes their clothes. the climate has changed too, other promoters are putting on ladies and there is less of a stigma if you're in a band / lady singer. i like to think partly thanks to the good work of patti, and i think i'm right. i have been blessed in becoming friends with these ladies after working as an usher for their shows. i was already a fan, going month in month out to see what delights they had. the kimya dawson was my introduction to gigs in cardiff and chapter itself back a few years ago, a patti gig is always worth a punt, i've been introduced to all sorts of brilliant wonders through them: betty and the warewolves, wet dog, kania teifer this season of gigs alone. for a young(ish) bisexual girl finding gay clubs frighteningly day glo and aggressive they were a beacon in the fog.

this gig with VICIOUS GUNS and BETH and BEC was unfortunately subdued. HELLS BENT gay friendly indie disco was on up the road and it seemed that people had not taken the advice of coming down here first. i must admit that i was a bit angry. the patti ladies also run QUEER CYMRU, the welsh listings site and yet no-one came out to support them in their last gig. there were a few people there but not enough and it solidified the decision to make it the last. i didn't want to go to HELLS BENT after due to tiredness and wanting to shout at many in the queermunity for their ingratitute. many still don't consider me properly gay since i now have a boyfriend and never liked the pilled up vibe at the clubs (cos that's what makes you gay, folks! sometimes i get really irritated for some in the gay community for being as rigidly facist about sexuality as any copy of the daily mail... but i can feel a rant building so am going to leave it there) so i decided it wasn't best to go along to the disco, next time i'll be happier and more up for it.

despite the small audience the show was really good. HYSTERICAL INJURY were great, especially considering the fact that they'd lost half the band recently and were experimenting with their sound. BETH and BEC were lovely, its the side project of rebecca newman from HOT PUPPIES who got married and had a baby last year and is spending more time on a quieter folky sound. many songs were just achingly beautiful and it made me envious of that baby, being sung to in the crib. she did a cover of "last night i dreamt somebody loved me" that almost made me cry.

VICIOUS GUNS didn't blow me away, i must say. maybe the sound wasn't right for the funereal feel of the evening but it seemed a bit of a shallow girl / boy / blondie set, although they were enjoyable. they were a band who looked amazing but i wasn't convinced by their songs. i truly feel this is just because i wasn't in the mood though, i just couldn't get into it.

my housemate chris ran up to me at the end of the show and said "dance with me in a minute". chris and steen were djing and he had something planned. he played "decaptacon" by le tigre and made a tearful speech about how the patti ladies had helped him through the years and how grateful he was to have them. i felt a lump in my throat and gave him a hug. it was a perfectly timed moment, he said what needed to be said. chris is planning to put queer gigs on in the name of SIR and i wish him luck, i'll help him as much as i can and i hope its a success. peppermint patti lives on in LOOSE, SIR, gigs like FORECAST's recent PONYTAIL / COMENCHIE show. i think its going to be ok.

the next night we went to my friend nic finch's wedding to debbie savage. i remember talking to nic a couple of years ago about the fact that they debbie had a really cool surname. he said wistfully "yeah, when we get married we're going to be SAVAGE FINCH... i love her for that alone". i was really touched by that statement, it was such a typical nic comment and it made ma happy. i'd been worried cos they'd had to find a venue at the last minute as the point was closed so it was moved to the gate with only a couple of weeks notice but it was a brilliant wedding. we weren't there for the ceremony but arrived to find anne clearing tables away to make room for the dance floor. there was time to quickly wave to nic and see debbie's dress in amongst carring flower displays to another room. then to drinking and dancing! they had fred snow, of top shelf jazz and a tap dance artist performing for the crowd. they got us doing the charleston and we danced till we were giddy with our friends anna, chris, mattie and benny. ace. next up with carl morris with some top cheese (john rostron commented that black box recorder's "ride on time" was the new abba!) and it ended perfectly with the bugsy malone cast doing "we could've been anything that we wanted to be!". it felt like a film. perfect.

the next day began normally, with me in box office but it already felt like a holiday, lots of people were already wishing me birthday congrats. that evening we were expecting the nosworthys (rich, col and rhian) and the ponty set. their presence was enough but the presents were spectacular. a few months ago me and steen had been to jacobs market to do some window shopping and take pictures of things we liked and i had said truthfully on facebook how much i really wanted these things. but then, i really want a house and an allotment would be nice too. the nosworthys bought me all that was still in jacobs market including the blue dog i lusted after and the fish eye mirror! nos the younger also got me spillers vouchers: £30 worth! i was blushing with gratitute, amazing presents!

after the presents we went to the VEGETARIAN FOOD STUDIO for a birthday meal with the aforementioned and small steen, brother rob. what an immense treat! it is an amazing place, reasonably priced and very tasty. my favourite thing was the atom bombs, chilli potatoes that make your head explode. i also had a disco coffee. disco coffee! i think it was just coffee with spices but it is great to read it on the menu. the plan next was to go to dempseys for twisted but i wanted to drop off the cards and we got distracted by the DUCHESS (duke of clarence on clive road). this pub was our old hunting ground when we all moved in next to each other and first met and it was too tempting not to go in for a drink. unfortunately getting out was a bit more difficult and i subsequently didn't turn up for my own birthday party in twisted. steen was trying to get me to go but my stomach was so full and i was sleepy with happiness and so we just went to bed at about midnight like lightweights. before bed steen gave me his presents. naughty steen, he was taking me away in a couple of days and wasn't meant to be getting me anything. i opened a package from some foreign parts that included a HAROLD AND MAUDE MUG AND BADGES! i was so happy! harold and maude is my favourite ever film and you just don't get any merch, it is a film from the pre-merch days so i don't know how he managed it but i was pleased as punch. but there was more to come. i opened up my card. inside was a message saying "you're cordially invited to see DEVO in london". i said "yeah! that'd be great, shall we get tickets?!" only to feel confused and stupid minutes later when presented with TICKETS FOR DEVO IN LONDON PLAYING ARE WE NOT MEN? WE ARE DEVO!!!!!!!!!! steen had mentioned how he'd almost got me ATP devo tickets a couple of months back and i'd veto'd it cos we couldn't afford it but he'd noticed this gig (that, miraculously had passed me by entirely) and bought tickets before they sold out. we are both devo fans, some of our early dates were spent dancing to devo in his kitchen in penylan. very excited. too excited to sleep... if it wasn't for that veg studio food and the two pints of cider afterwards.

when i awoke it was MY BIRTHDAY! we got up fairly quick cos my parents were coming to take us for lunch. it was lovely to see them, i don't see my family enough these days with my all day sunday working. sunday was always the day of getting the train back for sunday lunch, reading sunday papers with my dad, walking the dog with my mum and nattering with my nan. i need to somehow work that back into my routine. i opened presents and cards and we played with our mental cat frankie, who my mum just adores and we went to RIVERSIDE MARKET and i got bought a lovley herb garden by my mum and we bought some bits and bobs, like some amazing artichokes from ceri's BLAENCAMEL FARM stall (for roasting: very tasty) then went to CHAPTER for sunday lunch.

my mum had bought 3 (3!!!) cakes for my birthday and we took these along to nos da for SCRABBLE SUNDAY. the lovely lisa and paul had made cupcakes spelling out claire vaughan 21! (not being certain of my birthday age, knowing it was a biggie but not sure how big. ha!) it was simply lovely. as it was lisa's joint leaving party (unfortunately for us she is moving north to live with the gogs on a farm) there were all kinds of games there and john was djing. it was a brilliant party. i had more cards, a massive one from casey and ewan brought me badges. we sat and ate cakes and played guess who and blockbusters as well as scrabble and had a bucketload of fun. after saying a sad goodbye to lisa and went home. no TOP 1o0 in GWDIHW and no LOOSE all dayer. by the time my parents had gone there had already been a few bands on and the scrabble party was too good to leave. a happy bedtime.

monday we celebrated EASTER with experimental cooking. steen had the idea to make a giant chocolate bar, from all our choc eggs and sweets from spa: a sort of greatest hits of chocolate bars. the only rule was no nestle. we had a great time. we melted up the chocolate eggs, chopped up milky bars, crunchies, snickers and bountys and put them in the pan to cool decorated with some truffles i'd got from my nan. we then chopped the pan of chocolate into hand bite sized bars and gorged. a great easter treat.

in the evening we went to buffalo for MATT ELLIOT and the much- multi- talented rhodri viney (as RATATOSK) and TREMBLING BELLS at LESSON #1. rhodri had been to see matt elliot years ago and claimed it was one of the best gigs ever in his life so i had high hopes and was not disappointed. rhodri was stunningly lump-in-throat brilliant as ever and TREMBLING BELLS gave a sweet folky feel to the night, with their slightly quaint but beautiful sea shanties and then matt elliot took the stage. he admitted he was very tired after a punishing schedule so might not be at his best but you would not notice. he looped sounds around on his guitar, tumbling into intense love songs until my jaw dropped. i was rapt. high on birthday money i dashed to the merch stand and promptly bought all his albums.

what a brilliant birthday weekend. i'd not done all i'd hoped, not gone dancing in twisted and not seen the loose all dayer but it had been perfect. i did feel older but completely comfortable with being 30. it wasn't scary, i just felt like a grown up with a wonderful man and a brilliant cat. the next morning we set off for my birthday trip but i will save that for another post.